Cousins Say...Dear Trixie

Toby Jones and Sammy Kimmell -
(A dog and a cat are cousins? And they call ME strange?)

Dear Trixie:

I'm in big trouble! My person got her suitcase out today. AND there is a tote bag on the table with my food and toys tucked in it and it says "KENNEL BAG" in bright red colors. I've seen it come out before and it’s NOT good news!

She’s been trying on outfits all day and paying no attention to me at all! I know something terrible is about to happen. I tried being very sweet (thinking she might reconsider) but that didn't work. 

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Please Note: Trixie is not a real doctor, nor does she play one on TV. Do not try any of these solutions on your own. Check with your local Pet Psychologist before beginning any new routine or program.

Who would have ever thought the Queen (better known as "Her Royal Painness") would have shared her Queendom? But here I am just the same, and just let me say that I am thrilled to be here. I take back everything I said last week about the Queen...well...uh...okay, everything except the last one - you now, the one about her Taco Bell hips. Hey - that one sticks - get it? sticks? Oh Lord, I'm gonna love this gig...

--Trixie

Below are the ARCHIVES of the many letters animals have written me. Please click the little dog BONE to get the full gossip...


ARCHIVES

Dear Trixie:

Mattie_head.jpgMy name is Princess Matilda. I am the original p.m.terrell. Most folks think "p.m." stands for "Patricia McClelland" but I know better. It stands for Princess Matilda. That's right. I am the brains behind the throne.

I am a Treeing Walker Coonhound, though I prefer to drop the "coon" part because it makes me sound like one of the Beverly Hillbillies. And I am not. I am High Society at its Highest. Some people call me "Mattie" but you may call me "Princess" until you know me better. Much better.

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Dear Trixie, 

Howdy, you talented thing. Sorry it has taken so long to write, but my human is less than useful as a secretary and this dratted keyboard isn't made for my dainty paws. I'm hoping your talented brain can help with my latest problem.

While we've yet to meet, you know of me through friends of your human's who met me at the Book 'Em event in Waynesboro, VA. I'm a hard working guy who does most of the promotion of my mom's books. That's what I was doing at Book 'Em; selling her mystery along with her other books. And I was dressed to the hilt in my Sherlock Bones outfit. Picture enclosed. So you can see I don't mind hard work or getting dressed for a good cause.

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Dear Trixie,
 
July 28 – Happy Fourth Anniversary Mom! Yep, four years ago on this date, my foster mom (Kathy) brought me over to my new home. She said I was going to be loved and she was right, but it wasn’t easy at first.

Humans have certain expectations of us dogs, and vice versa. We expect lots of food, petting, and fun. Pretty simple stuff, right?

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Dear Trixie,
I'm a beautiful African Grey Parrot. I mean beautiful. I have a light grey face, medium grey body, that is tipped with dark grey feathers and a wonderful red tail. I rock! Plus, I'm extremely intelligent. I have about 100 word vocabulary and I don't just mimic my owner, Dianne. I know what I'm saying. Okay? Have we established just how awesome I really am?....

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Trixie, obviously, my terrier needs help. I had to send this for him as the UPS guy came right when he finished typing it and he got real busy all of a sudden.  Bob

Dear Trixie,
I have lived in my current residence for about 7 years along with two cats, Hamlet and Kiwi, both of whom appeared about the same time as I did. I don’t know where they came from, but I’ve heard “dog pound” mentioned along with my name. I don’t know why, but the thought of a dog pound makes me nervous as a cat (Get it? Cat – LOL)..
.

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Yo, Trixster,
I don’t usually write to advice columns, especially one run by a dog, but me and my homie, Hamlet, have this prob, ya know.  There’s a dog living here that thinks he’s one of us.  Hey, truth.   What’s a couple of cool cats like us to do?... 

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Hey Trix-meister,
Well, well, well, you really gave me an eye-opener with your advice. I am now OUT OF THE CLOSET! Since your advice revealed my true dog’s nature, I have discovered my inner self. I’ve really been letting go, unleashing the power of being a dog, living life in the fast lane (hey, ya really gotta watch out for those cars though) instead of my former confusing life as a "cat-vestite...

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Dear "I sure ain't Ann Landers" Trixie,
Well, all I can say is "Thanks for nothing!" I never should have written to a dog for advice.   Eddie, the "dog-who-thought-he-was-a-cat" has gone from "Mister Hide" to "Doctor Jackal". Yeah, Jackal, as in crazy, wild dog...   

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