Meet the Featured Whiner of the month: Eddie the E-Dog!

His owner Bob had this to say: 

"Well, he’s taken to wearing a Burger King crown he found somewhere. He thinks he’s King of the Savage Pampas, a.k.a., the backyard. It’s hard to get a comment out of the Great White (& brown) Hunter of chipmunks, birds & squirrels these days. He did say “Animals fear me, women want me” recently."

Trixie,

Well, I never actually realized cats could be so petty until Hamlet, the big fat one that stays here, called me a name a few days ago. I’d been pretty much leaving the two of them alone for some time - figuring as how cats are way down on the food chain from us dogs - and haven't tormented them (much) in ages. After all, they only have nine lives and I've already hoo-dooed them out of four or five of those…each. Anyway, "Hamlet the Horrible" (a pet name I gave him. Pet name, get it? Ha! Woof!) referred to me as a "suck-up" when I was bringing in the newspaper for my human live-ins.

He said performing for them was stupid and I should be more aloof, like him. While aloof isn’t a word I’m familiar with, I figured it had something to do with sleeping, eating, pooping or shedding, which is obviously his chosen career, as is that other insult to pets, named Kiwi. Kiwi likes to stay on top of tall things and break stuff - always an accident, of course. She keeps her distance from me since I showed her the bottle of Catsup in the refrigerator and said it was made from real cats.

Anyway, back to Hamlet. I used the computer and found out what a suck-up is. How that parasite (found that word, too) on humanity can call me names is beyond me.
So, the next day I brought in the paper, chewed it up, and put in the box where the prissy little flea magnets "relieve themselves". It was tough going (what a stench) but worth it. Hamlet got sent outside into the cold, rainy night (too bad it wasn't sleet), and Kiwi hid under the bed - until I told her about the cat-eating monster named "Katmandu" that lives under there. Woo boy, that cat is a trip! Believes everything, teehee…

What is it with cats? Are they all fur-bearing idiots? Do you really think God - which I have discovered is actually dog spelled backwards - meant to do that? I don't know, after all, he did make fleas and ticks, both of which I hate.
Eddie (E-Dog)